Finding my niche 5 years ago in the training world, allowed me to step into a place of vulnerability, beauty, and inspiration that I would have never seen in a gym or clinical setting.
A fire ignites in my soul each time I meet an expectant or new mom as they let me step inside their journey as a motivator and teacher. They may not realize, I have felt more of a student in these places, soaking up the secret intricacies that make these amazing women into the coveted, precious title: MOM.
I always knew one day I wanted to be a human mom. Being a single mother to Moose for 3 years and then being able to share him with Bryan over the last almost 6, was a role I never thought could be filled again. It made me feel strong, purposeful, and so well loved.
Following my two major hip surgeries last year, I wasn’t sure how long it would take my body to become fertile. God stepped in and poured his grace and mercy on us with an ability we pray that everyone is able to experience who wants it..
I envisioned myself inspiring my clients and future clients on how to stay fit through pregnancy. I would film videos, post daily motivation, be raw and real about how even though you may be tired during pregnancy, working out gives you more energy to tackle the day with confidence and style….
Well, my pregnancy reality could not have been farther from my naive dream vision.
I was nauseous every day of my pregnancy. Every single day until I delivered. Not the kind where you are relieved from vomiting (except in the delivery room – only place I finally threw up pregnant and then right after our little man was born), but the kind that stays with you and makes food, standing, moving, sleeping, pretty much any movement or any lack of movement feel like a kick in the stomach. And that started months before I felt the little guy in there actually kicking my stomach. Those kicks started out precious and comforting…and then by the end I was nervous he was going to kick right on out my side.
Ok, in all seriousness, those kicks, even at the end, were on my blessing list as they assured me he would be a strong baby!
I relied on cold packs for my head, unisom for my unsettled tummy, magnesium oil for my foot/calf cramps, epsom salt baths for my achy joints, and drastically reducing my work load seeing only the few clients that would come to our house as the car just made the nausea worse.
At 16 weeks I started getting really bad cramps and contraction type pain. We had to get ultrasounds every few weeks and I was put on modified bed rest. At 36 weeks I had scary bleeding that put me in the hospital for 3 days…all this NOT to complain, but to say truthfully, NOT the pregnancy I envisioned.
Picture below: I took this the afternoon of the night we went into labor!
In the words of our pastor, Louie Giglio – “BUT, GOD.”
But, God wanted me to learn WAY more about what it means to rely on Him. His teachings. His promises. His plan for our lives. Not my will, but His.
I learned so much from carrying our little miracle.
I learned that pain truly is temporary.
We are NOT in control. We don’t need to be in control. We don’t need to know what the next step is and we don’t need to worry what the next step will be. He’s got it.
Patience is learned. Patience takes practice. Patience takes wisdom and understanding. Not being able to workout during pregnancy also taught me an important motherhood trait: selflessness — it wasn’t about me and I need to think of what is best for my son from here on out..
The biggest lesson I learned from pregnancy was when I looked at my son for the first time. The love I felt from that moment to the love that has grown over the last couple of weeks has given me the tiniest glimpse into how much our Father in Heaven loves us.
I am so proud and thankful to be a wife to Bryan and a mother to Gus. We feel so privileged to have this life in our care while here on Earth.
Thank you Lord for taking my pregnancy out of my feeble, weak hands and into your loving arms. There’s no place we’d rather be.